Ray and his wife Barbara used to be live-in carers for Barbara’s mother.

When she passed away, the couple decided to take part in our Shared Lives service:

My wife – who’s since passed away – she’d always been in care, all her life. We decided that we’d open our home up to somebody.

Getting settled in

Ray explained that the first couple of months were a bit different to what everyone was used to, but the family quickly settled into a routine that worked for everyone.

Diane was uncomfortable watching television or films showing adult relationships, as her previous families hadn’t talked about these topics with her.

In the beginning, we could only watch Disney films together.

I think the previous families were trying to protect her but it made her nervous about talking to new people.

Ray found a support group for women with disabilities in Liverpool, where Diane could learn more about sex and relationships. After attending the group, Diane became much more comfortable talking about adult topics.

In 2013, Ray, Diane and Barbara went on a family holiday to Disney World in Florida. They hired a villa and even swam with dolphins in Miami!

Diane (left) and Ray (right) swimming with dolphins

Ray said one of his favourite memories was when they were watching fireworks together at the Epcot Centre:

Diane was standing next to me and she had tears in her eyes.

She said ‘This is the best night of my life’ – which set me and Barbara off crying as well!

Barbara sadly passed away from Coronavirus in 2020 but Ray and Diane have continued to live together:

I’m looking forward to many more years ahead of sharing our lives together. Diane’s a lovely person.

Back in the community

Diane recently returned to their church for the first time since Barbara passed away. Ray told us how she got a very warm welcome and was really happy to be back:

Everyone was really happy to see her because they hadn’t seen her for such a long time.

She was giving people hugs and she ran over to help someone to their seat. It was really nice.

Ray works four days a week running a charity in Southport called Phoenix Community & Youth Project. They provide activities and training opportunities for young people with learning disabilities.

Diane goes to a day support service during the week. Two days are spent on voluntary work placements at a school and an indoor-play centre. Other activities include bowling and going to parks and museums.

At weekends, Diane likes to spend a bit of time with Ray and his new partner. The three of them watch movies and sometimes go out shopping together.

One big family

At Christmas, Diane will join Ray and his partner for a big family get-together at Ray’s daughter’s house. Then on Boxing Day, Ray usually hosts a party for the extended family. Diane really enjoys that because everyone brings her a present!

Ray says that United Response have been really supportive with their placement, right from the start. He wants to thank Vanessa, Julie and Larry for ‘always being there when you need them.’

Ray says he would recommend becoming a Shared Lives carer to anyone because:

You’re giving someone the opportunity to have a better quality of life than they would if they were in a care home.

It’s the instant satisfaction of knowing you’re doing something that’s really good, really worthwhile and very rewarding for you personally.

Knowing you get the feel-good factor of sharing your life with somebody who can share theirs with you and make some lasting memories together.

Could you provide a secure and friendly home environment for someone so they can live independently?

Find out more about Shared Lives
  • Jenna Lloyd is Senior Content Officer for United Response.